Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
