If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
