im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
