I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
