Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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