i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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