I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
where are my eyebrows?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
