you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
