By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
