glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
