so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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