My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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