There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
