Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My hand turned me down
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together