this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain