Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
