Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.