Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.