playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You smell like stripper and shame
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!