I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge