you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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