My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
