so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
