i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
