I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
