While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
