Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
