The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
