I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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