I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
