i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
