Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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