Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
