ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
