I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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