i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
