Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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