come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
