She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
