i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
