I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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