I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
