After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
