do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
