I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dignity is for republicans.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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