I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I believe in your delicious
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
