i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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