ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
