she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
