Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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