good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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