i don't plan on having that self control this summer
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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