Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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