dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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