I must be too annoying 4 u.
wanna go halves on a baby?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
