there's paper in my vomit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
