NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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