so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
