shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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