Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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