three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize