I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
