It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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