That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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