Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
