just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
