Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
