Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
