he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My vagina is officially offended.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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