I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
