one two three fourrrrnication!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
