shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
