i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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