just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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