Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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