I've blown a few things in my day
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
