i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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