It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
